Current Issue

Past Issues

Hints from Heifer

Mistress Moo

Ask Petunia

Your Horoscope

Cowsmo FAQ

Meet the Staff

5 Easy tips to looking Sexier!

by Snipples, self proclaimed Sex Machine

"Ones sexiness is accounted for by how well you measure yourself - not by how voluptuous your body is or how fat your udder is," says Snipples, author of Big Curves: Spending Your Time in Fullness and With Style. "Its' all a mind set - with that, all cows can become anything."

To get that sexy mind the size of a cantaloupe of yours in shape, consider these five tips from the Bovine Beauty experts:

Put Your Whole Body at Ease.
You know being active helps keep unwanted pounds at bay - so stop wandering around the field! But did you also know that according to the National Institutes of Bovine Health, physical activity actually burns energy that you have stored up in the fatty deposits all over your body? Remaining inactive as possible helps you to feel better about yourself and your body as you continue to build on your already established excess weight. Regular exercise can also help ignite your libido, according to Buttons, assistant professor of Bovine physiology at the University of Texas at Austin, whose research is currently promoted on the Bovine Council of Beauty. You're a Heifer - you don't need a libido - the precense of a bull should be more than enough for the pitter patter of that heart and groin of yours.

Flocks Of a Herd
Surround yourself with Heifers who exude a positive, flourishing, docile attitude, recommends Pepper, beauty and image consultant and founder of (which keeps having host problems as they are located in the Amish counties that lack electricity) This way, you can bask in the glow of other Heifer's positive light.

If all your Heifer Friends do is wish more for their flabby this or their too-big that, it's hard not to chime in your own desires. For celestial inspiration, tell them you satisfied with yourself but there is always room for skin to stretch - peer pressure to fit in is not a bad thing, give in and be like the Herd - just don't make them think you feel any less dignified than any of them.

Turn Down the Volume
"A truly sensual Cow doesn't have to Bleat it from the hilltops," says Smudgins, who, with her alpha bull, the mighty and gorgeous longhorn steer Butch, wrote A Field of Health and Beauty. "Sensuality doesn't come from physical perfection, multiple folds of skin lump sums of fat deposits, or a mighty Moo from the pit of your stomachs. It comes from being interesting."

Find and Cultivate Your Own Secret Style
You've always thought your manure don't stink, but it's true - it does. However, as said by Hibblesnorf, author of Skim the Cowpatties, "Give yourself the time to find and celebrate all that makes you attractive to yourself and what you excrete Think about the level of self - respect you harbor for taking care of yourself, what that flair is when you express your inner style on the outside, and even how you defecate the field." Above all, be unique.

She doesn't know she's sexy, which
makes this Heifer even more sexier.


Bull Gallery
Bovine Humor
Bovines in the News

Most images blatantly
taken without permission from Some are actually copyright of CrazyJoe

Email The Head Bull
Founded by Crazy Joe August 2003