Inside

Current Issue

Past Issues

Mistress Moo

Ask Petunia

Your Horoscope

Cowsmo FAQ

Meet the Staff

Multiple Moos : Why one Moogasm is never Enough

“Moo! Moo! MOOO! MOOOOOOOOO! Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo!” Those are the sounds of a really happy cow. Bethsuda of Ohio, to be exact, when she first experienced her first multiple moogasms. She's has mooed in delight once before, and never really grasped the importance or significance of mooing. However, one night in the field, she was overly content (there is such a thing), and found herself mooing uncontrollably, experiencing what most cows regard only as a myth - multiple moogasms. "I used to be a content cow, but now, I'm overly content...if that is even possible. I'm a really happy cow" says Bethsuda, who now believes one moo is never enough, and learned how to make multiple moos a regular event.

Bethsuda isn't the only cow that has potential for multiple mooing; all overly-content cows can make multiple mooing part of their bovinal lifestyle too! "If you just moo once, and think you're done, think again, you can moo more than once," insist Gloria Beverbood, Ph.D. of Bovine University. "When it comes to mooing, cows have the easy life. Bulls, the poor big lugs, have what is termed a refractory period -- that means when they moo, they moo so darn hard that sometimes they need to take a break, a nap, or a walk to the watering hole before they can moo again,
it's a bull ego thing. But this is not true with cows; they can moo with little effort or wasted energy, leaving energy for multiple mooing."

Multiple moos are a series of lows that follow one another very close -- from half to a full minute apart -- with a breath in between . "It's just like strolling through a bumpy pasture, on top of each little hill you get enough strength to stroll a bit faster down and slower back up the next hill." says Beverbood. Serial multiple moos are even better; they come one after the other, sometimes taking a breath after several moos. You've most likely stretched out your 9 stomachs after a full force multiple moo, where you went from “Moo,” to "MooMooMooMooMooMooMooMoo MooMooMoo!"

So, without further delay, here is Cowsmo’s tips for achieving that
multiple moo, which isn't a just a mere action, but is rather a state of mind and bovinity.

Believe in Being Overly Content

If you're not experiencing multiple moos, it's most likely you simply
haven't acknowledged it's actually possible and given it a chance. . If you think that you're content, and you are satisfied with your lifestyle, there's nothing more to do. Having only a mediocre level of contentment is exactly what deprives some cows of this breath-taking experience. If you believe and desire to be more content, you open that swing-gate to a better pasture - and then you simply have to find it to walk through it.

Mooing Off

If you are stretching for your first moo or your fifth, starting a moo is all it takes to start off a string of them. "You simply can't multi-moo unless you start mooing", says Bufler. It's just like the long trip to the watering trough - every long trip starts with one step.

One oral audible technique any cow should try is called "The Rolling." The cow can set the tone and attitude of her moos by imagining the tongue as a wave in the ocean, rolling as a wave out at sea, slowly rising from the back, reaching a high in the middle, and smooth off at the end. "It's the combination of varied but repeated stimuli, and anyone mooing will be able to flow with it," she insist. This is a technique that all can use, however those who really concentrate and put effort into it will be able to start immediately without missing a beat.

M-Spotting

For some cows, the M spot -- a highly plush soft spot in the folds of the skin of the throat -- is where a cow feels sensual relaxation while arching the head back and mooing. This is the secret to enjoying multiple-moos beyond just making some noise. "I never realized that beyond just hearing myself moo, I felt the low rumble of the moo start in my stomachs, and move up my throat, which jiggles the skin in such a way that it feels so good" says Pitterbun. "I never really realized how good my throat felt, and receiving that feeling repeatedly while thrusting my neck back, and bucking my back feet - it's an unbelievable sensation.”

You cannot feel the M spot unless you start mooing, then the skin ripples around your neck and stretches up when your neck is thrown back, don't bother looking while mildly grazing the field. When you are ready to moo, let it loose, then concentrate on the arc of your throat, the pitch of the moo, the moisture of your cud, and the duration of the moo. Find out what combination makes the most vocal moo, and the best feel of the skin under your throat. For most cows, this sensation decreases as you loosen up, so just keep it tight and constant. If you don't feel anything, most likely you're just not on level ground. Have a fellow cow take a gander at you from a few yards, and make sure you're fine.

Get a Position to Moo

It's easy to moo, but you're throwing around a thousand pounds here, make sure you balance it so that you are not trying to moo unbalanced. The angle of your back hips should be even, the depth of the nape of your back should be a few inches under both sets of shoulder blades. Don't even think about holding up your ears, let them fall back, as with your tail - don't bother swatting the flies off. Extra tricks to try : Start your moo from the side, and swing your throat around to the other. Plant your back feet firmly on a piece of ground just a little higher than your front feet, and straighten your front legs more.

Play with Your Peaks

Another good way to fool your gut into mooing a bit more is to practice the technique called "Peaking." With this technique it's quite possible that you can teach your throat a new vocal pattern. Think about how great your multiple moogasms feel, but then get to the point that your heart is pounding, your breathing is heavy, throat musky, face flushed, and you are near mental euphoria - this is what it feels like to peak. To reach this you stop before you feel yourself peak, then calm down for a minute, maybe two. Then do a few more moos, and back off before exhaustion again, then start mooing again with all your gut. Delaying the climaxual moo with this wavelike pattern not only gives intense results, but sets you up for a highly anticipated afternoon.

So that's it, the information any bovine needs to further explore their bovinity. However, if you try these techniques and the results are not satisfactory - don't despair. Try keeping this article handy for a few weeks, as maybe you are just in the bottom of the ravine, and need to get yourself out. No matter the age or the season, don't ever push yourself into forcing or faking multiple moogasms - sometimes it's simply counterproductive. Just relax, graze, become content - and strive for the multiples when you feel at ease again.

Bull Gallery
Bovine Humor
Bovines in the News


Most images blatantly
taken without permission from Google.com. Some are actually copyright of CrazyJoe

Email The Head Bull
Founded by Crazy Joe August 2003